Blog Post 5 (May 25-30) Cherishing Your Spouse

In the BBC Television series “Sherlock” we learn about Sherlock Holmes’ “mind palace.” In the episode “The Hounds of Baskerville” Watson explains to a scientist that when you need to remember something you create a place to go where you can store memories. It could be a street that you walk down, or a room that you fill with thoughts. The scientist is shocked because Sherlock had said “palace.”

It is funny because I actually really like the idea of a “mind palace.” I readily admit I am not Sherlock Holmes. But something I really liked about my studies this week was the “love map” created by Gottman and explained in his book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.” Essentially it is the same as Sherlock’s “mind palace.” We create a map of those things we want to remember, but what is special is that this is a map designed just for your spouse.

When a couple has a good “love map” they, “have made plenty of cognitive room for their marriage. They remember the major events in each other’s history, and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse’s world change…Without such a love map, you can’t really know your spouse. And if you don’t really know someone, how can you truly love them?” (Gottman, pg. 48).

It is so important to keep updating our love maps. What good is a map of your hometown from 1883? We need to always be updating our information so that we can truly love our spouse.

I believe communication is key to this information. If we don’t communicate how will we ever update our information? If I only knew about my husband what I knew when we first dated I wouldn’t know any of his life; he has different friends, he has a different job, a different perspective now as a father, ect. We can’t let our love maps become outdated, we need to be open with each other and we need to remember why we loved talking when we were dating.

 (Fun Fact: "Sherlock" (and the books of course) are on my husband's love map!)

Sources:

Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown.

Vertue, S. (2012). The Hounds of Baskerville [Television series episode]. In Sherlock. London, England: BBC One.