Blog Post 9 (June 22-27) Seeking to Understand

One of the most powerful ideas from reading “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage” this week was that, “We should enjoy and appreciate our partners. We should forgive them of their humanness. The single most promising marriage-fixing effort is not tinkering with our partners’ characters; it is loving, cherishing, and appreciating them” (pg. 127).

I liked this quote because too often we see only the flaws. We complain that he never puts dishes away, or that she always whines about having to make the bed. Instead of focusing on these little bits of annoyance, we should really focus on all the wonderful things our spouses are and do.

So, for my thoughts this week I wanted to list a few great qualities my husband has and why I appreciate them:

He is patient; he is able to take in stress better than I can and helps me to remain calm when we are faced with difficult situations.

He is romantic; not just once have I had a surprise bouquet of roses show up at my door. He knows that I like romantic gestures like that, so he will randomly surprise me “just because.”

He is loving; he tells me at least an hundred times a day that he loves me. He texts me love notes from work, he kisses me whenever we come near each other, and he is always willing to hold my hand.

He is honest; he and I know everything about everything in our lives. We have no secrets, he has given me his heart and expects me to protect it.

He is smart; he can do math in his head! It takes me about fifteen minutes to find out the same information as he just knows.

He is hard working; he works so much all day long and studies all the time so that our family can have a better life. He knows that I want to stay at home with our children, so he works to allow me that blessing.

He is strong in his beliefs; he and I are in almost perfect agreement about what really matters. He is strong in doing what he believes is right. We both have the same standards for our family and our lives, and he can be counted on to uphold those beliefs.

There are so many things that make my husband wonderful, and it would take hours to put down all the things he is amazing at, so instead I am going to leave it here and just say that he is amazing, and I am grateful for the man I married, and hope to be worthy of him.

 

Goddard, H. (2009). Chapter 7: Charity. In Drawing heaven into your marriage: Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships. Fairfax, VA: Joymap Publishing.

Blog post 8 (June 15-20) Managing Conflict

The biggest thought I had this week was about forgiveness in marriage. It is easy to say that we will be forgiving and loving when we commit to marriage, but once it gets hard do we stick with it?

I feel like when we can truly learn to forgive our spouses we are able to show true love. Sometimes this means that we have to set aside our pride, which can be hard. We are all going to make mistakes, but it is important to remember that both of us will be making those mistakes. I am not perfect, and neither is my husband, but because we both recognize that we can overcome anything.
Just this week it seemed that we were going to have a perfect week. We didn't have any arguments, we weren't so very bothered by any little irritations, until Saturday. For some reason we got into an argument, and it seemed like there was no hope to overcome the stresses. While my husband went on a walk, I rehearsed over and over all the things I was feeling, but instead, because we had time to think, we were able to forgive. Instead of rehashing the problems when he got home, we just let them fade. It may seems backwards, because we didn't actually "solve" the problem, instead we forgave each other.

Some things seem impossible to forgive, but nothing is important enough to hold on to. I know that there are even some things that can ruin marriage, but we can’t let it destroy us. Forgiveness is not something we have to have both parties for. We should be constantly forgiving others, as well as ourselves. Forgiveness is a healing balm. And in marriage, it is the best medicine.

I think the most important thing is to have a good relationship with your spouse. I know that my husband is my best friend, and so if we have issues, we can communicate them. I know that I can talk to him and tell him how I feel, and he can tell me how he feels. Even if we get upset we can work through the hard times, and learn to forgive each other. Forgiveness, true forgiveness, is not easy, but it so worth it.

Blog Post 7 (June 8-13) Beware of Pride

Every year, twice a year, we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gather together (either physically in Salt Lake City, Utah, or through television or digitally) and hear the words of the living prophets. One of the most profound talks ever given was by Ezra Taft Benson, prophet, seer, revelator, and then president of the Church. In April 1989 he gave a talk entitled “Beware of Pride” (which was then printed the next month in the magazine the Ensign). I have been influenced by this talk my whole life.

I remember as a child my Dad taught us about pride through this talk. He taught us that we shouldn’t allow pride to influence us, and to rise above it. Obviously this is a life-long lesson, and I am still working on it today.

A few years ago I was able to serve as a missionary and I remember how strongly this talk influenced me then, as well. I can’t even remember why I had it, but I had a printed copy, and I carefully pasted it into my journal so that I would always be able to re-read it and remember what it says. I added pictures to make it appealing and read it often. Pride is a huge stumbling block, and when we allow pride to control us, we lose out on so much.

“Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing.

“The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen… Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s” (Benson).

When we are in a relationship, whether as a spouse, a sibling, a parent, or a child, we often allow pride to control our actions. It is easy to think that what I say is right, and what they say is wrong. We “pit our will against” them. When we are able to pull away from the prideful tendencies we have such better lives. Our marriages thrive, our relationships deepen, and we love more fully.

I find that pride infects a relationship, and that when I allow it into my marriage I am pushing my husband away. I start to feel justified that I am doing all I can, and he is doing nothing. That is not true. We both strive for a happy marriage, and we both fail at times. My pride tells me that I am always right, but the Spirit tells me that that isn’t the case. When we are willing to allow that sting of guilt to change us, we can overcome pride. We just have to be willing to try.

I would love to just post the whole talk for my blog this week, but instead I am going to just add a link so you can read it for yourself! Enjoy!

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng

Benson, E. (1989, May 1). Beware of Pride. Ensign. Found on lds.org, https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng

Blog Post 6 (June 1-6) Staying Emotionally Connected

One of the readings this week was a poem called Lamentations. While reading it I was drawn to Eve’s perspective on our joys and sorrows in life. In the poem we see the different life moments that Eve went through; being told she would suffer, giving birth to her boys, and then losing them.

The first thing that really hit me was when she says, “And now another one who looks like Adam…” I love that line, because ever since I met my husband I have wanted our children to look and be like him. He is handsome and good inside and out. What a miracle to have a child born who truly belongs to you. To know that he is yours and your husbands.

The next line that really hit me was “Where are the boys?” Before there is an answer Eve has to assume or perhaps assure herself that they are out working. Perhaps a lamb is being born? The weather seems bad for that, but work is work. She seems to try and ignore the look on Adam’s face. I think this is so sad. No mother wants to hear that her child has died, then to have to find out it was by his brother’s hand, and not only has she lost one, but both. I am sure that as a mother she would try and think of other punishments for her son, she wouldn’t want him to leave her too.

And of course, “Why?” We all ask that question when times get hard. I think that saddest part is that Cain chose this path. Many mothers have asked the question, “Why?” We just have to remember that we do what we can, and love them, but they are still free to choose their own paths.

It is a heartbreaking poem, but the key to this is not the sadness, it is the knowledge that Eve chose to go through the sorrow so that she could understand the joy. She, like all of us, chose to come to earth and suffer so that we can grow. We will never become better if we avoid the suffering.

I like the analogy that life is like an education. When we are students it seems like we will be students forever. We will always be struggling through homework, papers, exams, and projects. Then, one day, it’s all over. Did we do our best? Did we really learn, or did we just skim through. When the final exam is over, are we better for it? Life is like the education we receive; did we graduate or just go to school until we could bail?

Poem Source:

Hafen, B. (2005). The Doctrinal Pattern of Adam and Eve: No Misery, No Joy. In Covenant hearts: Marriage and the Joy of Human Love (pp. 65-74). Salt Lake City, Utah: Deseret Book. Poem: Lamentations, by Arta Romney Ballif.